Welcome to this week's installment of Goofy medical stories.
I heard this story from one of the surgeons that works with us.
He trained in NYC or in Lubuck, Texas, I can't ever keep the two
straight. Anyway he tells this story of a recurring patient who had really bad veins. I guess when it was time to draw his blood for tests and stuff it was always a huge ordeal. The "hot-shot" nurse who try; and fail. Then the ICU nurse would try, and fail. Then the resident would try, and would fail. Then the chief resident and so on and so on.....
One day this new resident from the Middle East arrived. I will call him Sheik Aleed Omar von Gonzen-trooper Al Eta Momar Syed Gonzenheimer. He had come to train in NYC/TX. While there he overheard members of the staff complaining about how hard it was to draw blood from this particular patient. He, Sheik Aleed Omar von Gonzen-trooper Al Eta Momar Syed Gonzenheimer, volunteered to give it a try. Everyone else had tried and failed so they figured why not. Besides, what's a few needle pokes among friends.
The resident walked into the patient's room, pulled the curtain for some privacy, explained to the patient what he was going to do....and low and behold moments later emerged most triumphant with vials of blood for everyone!!! And the staff cheered him and layed palms in the hospital hallway that his feet would never feel the cold hospital floor underfoot, while others praised him loudly to friend and foe alike.
This scenario played out a bunch of times over the next couple of weeks. It seemed that everyone would try and fail except for "The Anointed one". He would walk in, and moments later he'd come out with blood samples. It just came easy to him. So one day a junior resident asked him how it was that he was the ONLY person who could get blood from this patient. His answer was as follows:
"It is wery eezy I tek needal dat is ten centimeters long (about 5 inches) and go in under sturr-num at about fortee five de-grees and git blud. Verks eh-vry tyme."
This crazy wacko was drawing blood from either the HEART itself or the Superior Vena Cava, also known as the giant f-ing vein in your chest! People, if you can help it, don't let anything sharp EVER go into your chest without X-ray guidance. Really.
Peace out PeePoe!!
Gonzo
