Dumb techs do dumb things

About a hundred years ago I worked with this really dumb tech. We called him
Gump. He was Duh-um! One day Gump was down in the ER taking X-rays, when a young girl came in on a stretcher. She had been in a bad car accident. Hit from behind.
She was in a neckbrace and on a backboard all strapped in. So Gump slid her onto the table and began taking her X-rays. The ER docs thought that she might have broken her neck. Normally we take about 5-7 films in a case like this. About halfway through the neck series she told Gump that she had to pee. Usually we put people on a bedpan. What did Gump do?? He sat her up, got her off the table, WALKED HER down the hall, about 50 feet, to the bathroom and left her there so she could pee. He told her to go back to X-ray when she was done so he could finish her films. Risking possible paralysis.
Just then the Tech supervisor stopped by to see what was going on, when who should limp thought the door?? You guessed it....the patient!!!
I can still hear it," I got fired Lieutenant Dan!"
No patients were harmed in the making of this story. Thank God!!
Laters

Do Not Resuscitate unless you know how to 180

Where I work we have some really interesting patients from ALL walks of life.
Recently I met a man who had a new slant on an old standby. The DNR. For those of you who may not know what that is: It is a Do Not Resuscitate order. If you are having a surgical procedure they should mention it. If not you may want to look into it. It states that in the event of your procedure going awry you wish or do not wish to have heroic measures implemented on your behalf.

OK back to our patient, he was going to have a "big" procedure called a TIPS. Which is: A transjugular intrahepatic portosystemic shunt, is an artificial channel in the liver from the portal vein to a hepatic vein (for blood). It is created endovascularly (via the blood vessels) by physicians via the jugular vein.
It is used to treat portal hypertension (which often is due to scarring of the liver (liver cirrhosis)) which frequently leads to bleeding esophageal varices.
Its a big deal!

We asked him if he had a DNR. He said no. Then he said," I don't want any heroics....
if my body can't handle this procedure then so be it. I don't want to end up on a breathing machine with a bunch of tubes sticking out of me.....just let me die!!
Unless!.... there's the slightest chance that I will be OK, you know, like I am now."
I thought to myself,"But your liver is failing...."

I hope to be as decisive someday.

Peace out.

I hope your Valentine's day was sweet

Welcome back folks.
Here's a neat story for ya,
On Valentine's day we recieved the cutest little old lady. She was about 1000 years old, yes that's 3 zeros, and she was all worked up because we were going to embolize a tumor in her liver. She was nervous as hell. I tried really hard to chill her out so that means I started telling jokes and doing impressions, she liked my Reagan by the way, just to get her mind off of the procedure. But she kept saying that she was scared. So finally I tried empathy. Not my usual appoach but what the hell. I told her that I am afraid of clowns. She snapped her head back my way and said,"I don't know how you can be afraid of clowns, YOU ARE ONE!" Picture Betty White or Estelle Getty. Picture me getting slammed by one of the Golden girls.

Laters,

Geezo

You have got to be kidding

This past week, we had a young girl, 18'ish, come in for a kidney tube removal. She was all better. She asked us if we could hurry it up because she needed to get back to her 4 kids! We asked her how she managed 4 kids before she's even 20 years of age.
She said,"Well, my boyfriend won't wear a condom."
"Why won't he?" We asked.
"It cuts off his circulation." She replied.
Then without missing a beat, one of our nurses asked "What's HIS name?"
Everyone had a good laugh. Then we removed her tube without a problem.

Later.

Funny things I've heard.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
MY HOPE FOR YOU ALL IS THAT THIS YEAR IS THE BEST EVER!

These are short and fun.

An 80 year old lady with a broken hip came in for a PICC line. I asked her,"So how
did you break your hip?" She says,"I dumped my motorcycle at Bike week in Daytona! Its a shame too that was a sweet ride!" She's 80!!!

A little old man, about 75 years old, came in for a routine chole tube check. As I
was getting him ready I asked if he had any allergies an he said,"Just to cocaine...
it makes me crazy." I didn't follow that up.

I was taking a chest x-ray of a man with a horrible cough. I asked him how long he'd
had it. He said that it came and went often. So I asked if he smoked. He said he'd been smoking for about 40 years. Then he said,"I think I got a touch of that Emphysema that's goin' round."

A very attractive middle aged woman came in for a Uterine Fibroid Embolization. She seemed a little nervous so I started talking to her about her life. I found out that she was a teacher, that she was single and really that's all the excuse I needed to start my flirtations. So I said," This town is ridiculous, how does a town with this
many guys let you get away? No boyfriend, no husband, no kids? How does that happen?
I should take you out myself!" She says,"Oh I can't go out with you.....I'm a Nun!"
I looked upward and said,"Good one God, You got me!!" Everyone had a BIG laugh.
On me. Great.

Gonzo out.